one liner jokes, one liners, one liner comedians, this stuff is golden, jokes, jokes to make you feel better,

25 One Liners To Help You Feel Better

Whether you have had a bad day or going through a rough time, jokes are an underrated way to cheer yourself up, even if just for a moment. Plus, you can memorise a few of them and have a back-up collection of hilarious things to say at awkward social gatherings – at least, that’s what I do with them.

Here’s 25 one-liner jokes to give you that quick boost.

1. “Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.”
– Stewart Francis

2. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

3. “How do you drown a hipster? You throw him into the mainstream.”
– Jesse Rehn

4. “My Dad used to say ‘fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”
– Peter Kay

5. “I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.”
– Stephen Grant

6. “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”
– Nick Helm

7. “I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but couldn’t find any.”
– Tommy Cooper

8. “My dad’s a proper family man, he’s got three of them.”
– Steve Bugeja

9. “50 shades of grey, there’s a gag in there.”
– Gareth Cooper

10. “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades”
– Demetri Martin

11. “The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.”
– Jonny Lennard

12. “My dad’s like a laptop, if you don’t touch him for 10 minutes he will go to sleep.”
– Chris Martin

13. “I had an argument with one of the Seven Dwarfs. He wasn’t Happy.”
– Rebecca Humphries

14. “What do you say to the guy leaving a sperm bank? Thanks for coming.”
– Unknown

15. “Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is ‘Good for you!'”
– Eliza Bayne

16. “Sometimes to see the light, you just have to open the fridge door.”
– John McKeever

17. “Red sky at night, shepherd’s 
delight. Blue sky at night, day.”
– Tom Parry

18. “This may be the wine talking, 
but I really, really, really, really love wine.”
– Robin McCauley

19. “Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.”
– Josh Gondelman

20. “You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.”
– Jason Miller

21. “Surely every car is a people carrier?”
– Adam Hess

22. “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
– Joan Rivers

23. “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.”
– Dave Green

24. “Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”
– George Calin

25. “Been invited to a hair-washing party. Can’t think of an excuse not to go.”
– Milton Jones

Have any of you lovely folk got any favourite one-lines to share?

4 Comments

  1. Gloria

    Hahaha. Thanks for the laugh. Here’s one for you –

    Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

  2. Alexandra Noel

    Okay, these were absolutely fantastic! I was having a bit of a rough morning so this was a delight of a post to stumble upon. My top favorites were #1, #3 and #11. Thanks for sharing!

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