25 One Liners To Help You Feel Better

one liner jokes, one liners, one liner comedians, this stuff is golden, jokes, jokes to make you feel better,

Whether you have had a bad day or going through a rough time, jokes are an underrated way to cheer yourself up, even if just for a moment. Plus, you can memorise a few of them and have a back-up collection of hilarious things to say at awkward social gatherings – at least, that’s what I do with them.

Here’s 25 one-liner jokes to give you that quick boost.

1. “Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.”
– Stewart Francis

2. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

3. “How do you drown a hipster? You throw him into the mainstream.”
– Jesse Rehn

4. “My Dad used to say ‘fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”
– Peter Kay

5. “I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.”
– Stephen Grant

6. “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”
– Nick Helm

7. “I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but couldn’t find any.”
– Tommy Cooper

8. “My dad’s a proper family man, he’s got three of them.”
– Steve Bugeja

9. “50 shades of grey, there’s a gag in there.”
– Gareth Cooper

10. “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades”
– Demetri Martin

11. “The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.”
– Jonny Lennard

12. “My dad’s like a laptop, if you don’t touch him for 10 minutes he will go to sleep.”
– Chris Martin

13. “I had an argument with one of the Seven Dwarfs. He wasn’t Happy.”
– Rebecca Humphries

14. “What do you say to the guy leaving a sperm bank? Thanks for coming.”
– Unknown

15. “Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is ‘Good for you!'”
– Eliza Bayne

16. “Sometimes to see the light, you just have to open the fridge door.”
– John McKeever

17. “Red sky at night, shepherd’s 
delight. Blue sky at night, day.”
– Tom Parry

18. “This may be the wine talking, 
but I really, really, really, really love wine.”
– Robin McCauley

19. “Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.”
– Josh Gondelman

20. “You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.”
– Jason Miller

21. “Surely every car is a people carrier?”
– Adam Hess

22. “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
– Joan Rivers

23. “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.”
– Dave Green

24. “Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”
– George Calin

25. “Been invited to a hair-washing party. Can’t think of an excuse not to go.”
– Milton Jones

Have any of you lovely folk got any favourite one-lines to share?

4 Replies to “25 One Liners To Help You Feel Better”

  1. Hahaha. Thanks for the laugh. Here’s one for you –

    Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

    1. Haha! I like that one

  2. Okay, these were absolutely fantastic! I was having a bit of a rough morning so this was a delight of a post to stumble upon. My top favorites were #1, #3 and #11. Thanks for sharing!

    1. So welcome! Glad that they helped perk you up!

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