I jotted down (rather quickly for somebody who is quite indecisive) 5 things I want to do this year in my notebook. These things are:
- Run 5k regularly (I’ve only ever managed 3k, and that was before I was pregnant)
- Get paid by Medium
- Make friends
- Write fiction again
- Start a business (?)*
*= Told you I’m a bit indecisive, or rather, lacking in confidence/know-how.
But what I’ve just realised is that there is another 5 things I must do this year, a list of things that is much more personal, much more important:
- Stop hating myself
- Stop listening to depressive thoughts
- Stop feeling hopeless and helpless
- Realise that with help, I am in control of my life
- Start living
Not only do I owe these things to myself, but I owe them to my family. I have a daughter now FFS. I need to show her how to grab life by the balls, how to carry on and survive the bad days. I want her to have every ounce of confidence it’s humanly possible to have (without being a dick).
My most important to-do this year is to care for and raise my daughter. However, I must not forget that I should look after myself too. Violet needs me to be as healthy and as happy as I can be, and I can’t be that version of myself when I’m burnt out and feeling shit.
To do that, I need to resign as my own worst enemy. I need to shut that voice up (though it feels impossible sometimes, because those negative thoughts seem so logical and reasonable at the time).
It’s time to live my best life, as they say.