I have begun to really notice how my emotions can sometimes switch by the hour or even by the minute.
After I had been to a very nerve-wrecking second interview, My SO and I decided to stay in town for a bit. Having just moved into a new apartment, we thought we’d make the most of the time in town and potentially buy a few little bits for our new home as well as sit our butts down on lots of different sofas because we needed a new one of those too.
As we walked around, I could sense that my SO was feeling blue.
Our money situation has been tight for over a year now – we have had to be frugal, borrow from family, borrow from friends, limit ourselves when it comes to the more fun things in life (and the basic things). It’s been okay – we’ve still treated ourselves now and again, but we are so ready to worry about money a whole lot less.
So, as you can imagine, walking around stores and realising that we can’t really afford anything, or that we simply feel too guilty to buy something, was a bit of a bummer.
My SO had also had some bad news that week; something that could have been a great opportunity but turned out not to be; which made a shopping trip seem like a reminder to him about how that had failed and how he was back to square one.
I on the other hand had been quite excited to buy little bits for our new home. When I get excitable I get very hyper and bouncy – my friends and family will know that purely from watching the video tour I sent them of our then-new apartment, where I go around the rooms singing my own version of “OMG” by Usher (yes, really).
My nerves had died down from the early morning interview and I was looking forward to browsing the home departments of stores, like real grown-ups.
However, as we went walking round, my SO became more bummed out and I took those emotions straight onto my shoulders. After less than half an hour I became so upset that when I decided to go home, I felt like crying at the bus stop. It was as if I had soaked up like a sponge how my SO was feeling. I couldn’t help but take on his feelings of sadness.
There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings… Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.
– Anthon St. Maarten
I suppose I’m quite a sympathetic person – when I was a little kid I would get upset when I saw other children get shouted at by their parents. I cried the first time I ever saw a blind person (I was about 5 years old).
I’m also not afraid to cry in public places or even at work. Sometimes I just can’t help it.
But would I change my sensitive nature? Probably not.
Being sensitive means being open to other’s emotions as well as my own. It means I’m empathetic. It also means I’m always processing how I feel, whether that’s by writing about it, talking about it, or needing some alone time.
Letting my emotions make me, well, emotional doesn’t mean I’m any weaker than somebody who can keep a smile plastered on their face when they are having a shitty day. Strength doesn’t come from not being sensitive – it comes from how you deal with your emotions, what you do with them.
Never apologise for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you’ve got a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength.
– Brigitte Nicole
So if you see me weep in a Starbucks, if you notice my mood dip, that’s fine. I’m influenced greatly by my environment and the people around me, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. In a way, it just shows how in tune I am with what’s happening in the moment. It shows that I’m not afraid to be upset, emotive, or myself.