I had signed up to an online dating site with the intention of meeting women (something I had never dared to do before) and spotted a girl from my secondary school on there. She and I had never really spoken during school but I had always thought she was gorgeous (and a ridiculously talented artist, but I digress).
A few nights later I was in one of my local pubs for a night out with some colleagues and there she was, the girl from school/the dating site. I spotted her and sort of kept looking over at her, to maybe see if she was looking at me at all.
Later I walked passed to go to the bathroom and she was making out with one of the girls she had been hanging out with all night. I got so annoyed with myself after that. I wished I had the courage to do that – I thought I was a freak for not being able to kiss who I wanted to, and thought maybe I was just a fraud when it came to being bisexual. Maybe it was a phase (FFS).
I left the pub not long after, still upset, and was drunk enough to need to talk this through with my younger brother (who is like a best friend). He wasn’t home so I started to sob (too loudly) in my bedroom. My mum and older brother thought something was terribly wrong and wouldn’t stop asking me why I was so upset – I ended up lying to them, telling them there were some pesky boys at the pub who were being creeps to me and my friends.
Since then I have dated girls (not many) and am now in a very committed, wonderful relationship with a man, with whom I have a baby with.
What prompted this thinking about my bisexuality was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine. Rosa’s (Stephanie Beatriz) storyline about being bisexual and wanting to tell her parents really struck a chord with me – I guess it’s because I’ve not come out to my family (except said younger brother).
I was asking myself; “am I supposed to come out to my family?”
Is it irresponsible of me not to? Should I be doing so in order for them to accept me fully, and set a good example for my daughter of not hiding who you are/ accepting everybody for who they are?
Bisexuals get quite a lot of stick, whether it’s that they are ‘going through a phase’, ‘are in a straight/gay relationship so they are obviously straight/gay’, or ‘they’ve never actually been with that many/if any men/women compared to visa versa, so they’re probably just straight/gay’. I have said all that shit to myself.
What I realise now is that I could still be bisexual and never have been with either a man or a woman. Sexuality isn’t based on the number of either sex you have been with or haven’t been with – and I don’t know why I have had this idea in my head.
Just because I am in a loving relationship with a man doesn’t make me any less of a bisexual. It’s as if a bisexual person has to be in a relationship with both a man and a woman to prove their sexuality. Fair game if you are into polygamous relationships – but monogamous bisexuality is fair game too.
So will I come out to my family? I might do, because it is important to me that my daughter sees me set a good example. I’ll certainly be telling her in the future, because why wouldn’t I?