trigger warning: anxiety, self-harm thoughts
Hello, I’m anxious.
My neck muscles are tight, my heart is racing, I could cry but that is hard these days (cheers, Sertraline), and I’m almost frozen to the spot.
It’s kinda like I’m very aware of my body, my body is ready to run, but it’s not sure where it would run to.
I’ve explained my anxiety to a few people today, because I thought I was losing the plot and needed to try and rationalise what was going on in my brain.
My wrists feel as if they are going to burst, the blood is rushing around too fast. My counsellor says this is normal, it’s kinda like my body/brain just wants this sensation to stop, and so thoughts of cutting my wrists to release the pressure seem somewhat logical.
I am hyper sensitive to movement and touch and noise. All stimuli. It’s all too loud and too close and too overwhelming. Even harder to avoid with a toddler around. I’m a different mother when my anxiety is hitting me this hard.
It’s hard to swallow, I don’t wanna eat, I’m very thirsty.
Current ideas on what to do to are:
- throw up(?)
- exercise (indoor Pilates or HIIT will have to do)
- stay frozen to this spot on the sofa whilst my child tears up the living room in boredom and search of attention.
- make something(?)
- read (if I can focus).
Or none. Write this even though I can feel the blood in my wrists and it is very distracting. Put the TV on as third parent to my daughter. Cope. Try.
symptoms of anxiety:
WHERE TO FIND SUPPORT, IF YOU NEED IT:
- Samaritans: 116 123 (UK)
- Mind: 0300 123 3393 (UK)
- Saneline: 0300 304 7000 (UK)
- Beat: 0845 634 1414 (UK)
- National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (UK)
- Mental Health America: 1 800 273 8255 (USA)
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services/ SAMHSA: 1 800 662 4357