I used to write humour. I used to write about my day-to-day, the funny things I would notice on my way to work, the people I would see.
I used to write without edit. Words would spill onto the keyboard and I let my personality shine through.
I was funny! The things I would write weren’t perfect but they entertained. I gained quite a good number of followers, was lucky enough to have had a lovely audience who enjoyed my silly ramblings.
I posted selfies! A lot of them! One blog post was a mini photo album of me wearing my hair in different ways and doing stupid expressions with my face.
I had no idea about SEO, I barely shared my blog on social media, or with people I actually knew. It was semi-private (though the name of the blog was kind of my real name).
‘Successful’ bloggers that I read were the ones who shared their lives, their opinions, their feelings with their large audience. Professional photos or collaborations with PR were not so common then.
I was confident (sort of). I wrote because I enjoyed it, because if anything, I could at least make myself laugh.
I even found love through that blog!
And then I decided my writing, that first blog, was too silly. I wanted to be taken seriously – seriously enough that I would start getting paid to write.
I deleted that blog and flushed away all of its content. I started fresh with a super serious blog, which actually ended up being a bit too serious for my liking.
A little while after that, this blog was born, and my writing continued to change and develop.
It started off with some sarcastic, weird humour, mixed in with decent life advice and a splash of positivity. But then real life came and kicked me into the gutter. My depression came back, made itself comfortable, and so the topic and tone changed.
More life stuff happened when I became pregnant. And here I am now, with my daughter currently suckling on my dried up teet as I try to write.
I miss those early days of blogging. I miss those evenings I would spend writing and making art and listening to music. I miss the luxury of writing without really caring what people would think.
I want to get back to that writing, to get back to my old self a bit.
I just don’t know how.