I’ve written my pain onto pages in order to find some release from it. I don’t know about you, but it’s one very effective way that I can deal with how I am feeling, rather than my usual trick of eating raw cake batter and watching a Rom-Com. Instead I unload my thoughts onto paper (or screen) in order to process them.
Losing my flow of thoughts however is like walking through a thick fog.
I can sit down with a cup of coffee ten minutes after getting out of bed, and have a couple of ideas buzzing around in my head, eager to get written down and explored further. I take note of them as they sit in my brain, battling each other to try and keep their place in my short-term memory. I try to recall as much detail as I can about the train of thought that lead to the idea. Pumped that I actually feel like I have several things to write that day; that are actually worth writing about; I get up to take a shower, so that it doesn’t interrupt my flow later on.
But what a contradiction that turns out to be. As soon as I sit my freshly washed ass down again, the thoughts have gone and I have to try and retrieve them from my memory. It seems my short-term memory has some sort of drop-off point, in which it pushes anything taking up too much time and space off the edge of the short-term memory cliff into a black abyss of forgetfulness, committing short-term memory murder.
Losing that flow is a frustrating challenge, as I am sure many writers feel, whether you are writing fiction, poetry, or a blog post. My only way of trying to find them again is to look at the scribbled notes I made, hoping to find that initial spark again that got my creative juices flowing.
I have pages of idea notes, on my notebook pages with “IDEAS” written in the middle of them. They all await for something to happen to them – but when? Sometimes they are forgotten about for months, and what’s worse is that the topics can become completely uninteresting by that time, even if they have a fairly valid point to make that I haven’t discussed before. What is most frustrating is when you see an idea you had posted by another writer, and you think if only I had written that piece! I was thinking about that months ago! Why didn’t I just go ahead and write it?!
Perhaps that is just a way of the universe saying Nike’s all powerful slogan of “Just do it”.
Ironically enough, this very post had been sitting in my Drafts for over two months.