This morning my body failed to get out of bed on time because my mind was weighing me down. It was as if all my negative thoughts, anxieties and depression were filling up every limb with concrete, keeping me immobile and under the covers.
I lay in my SO’s arms and told him that I was sad. This lead to a long, emotional talk about how I have been feeling suicidal again recently. My depression has been trying to convince me that ending it all is the only logical solution to my problems and my failures. We cried together in bed, were very honest with each other, and after a while started to talk about ways that I can get better.
I plan to seek out help from therapy groups in my local area whilst I wait for my NHS psychotherapy appointment next month. I also plan to visit the doctors again to potentially up my dosage of Serotonin. I vowed to get better not only for myself but for my SO and my family.
We also discussed what we really want in our lives. I realised that I had three ambitions that I wanted to pursue:
- Working for/starting a mental health charity
- Writing fiction
- Studying creative writing/literature and/or philosophy.
That’s quite a chunk of things, especially when you add in my intended four children and (at least) five pets, all living on a beautiful piece of land in Canada.
As we talked about the things we want, my wonderful and supportive SO told me that it was never too late to study and that I should look into it if it’s something that I want to do. This got my thoughts rolling and I began to note down all of the ambitions I had and ideas about how I could possibly start achieving them.
The morning’s discussions began to really lift my spirits and now I feel very motivated to make today not such a bad day.
Not Such A Bad Day is a charitable project that seeks to remind us that even though working and living in the modern world can be really hard at times, a lot of people around the globe are a lot worse off than us. Ksenia’s project inspires you to make your day and somebody else’s day better by pledging £2 to charity, seizing an opportunity and spreading positivity.
On this gust of good feeling I have supported Not Such A Bad Day by donating money to War Child (which you can do here if you like), planning to get the ball rolling with my three ambitions (after I’ve finished this post), and spreading the positivity by sharing this great project with you folks.
If you’d like to get involved with the Not Such A Bad Day project, feel free to click here and see how you can make your day better.
Today is a day for planning the future and creating opportunities for myself, as we all know that many of the things that we want will not miraculously fall into our laps. We have to make these things happen and be open to new challenges.
What ambitions do you have? How will you make today not such a bad day?