learning about sex, sex education, feminist blog, feminism blog, this stuff is golden,

Learning About Sex

My mum told me about how babies are made whilst we were in the car, driving to a nearby shopping centre, my baby brother asleep on the backseat.

I was told about periods in my Year 5 classroom with all the other girls in my class, separated from the boys, who I assume were learning about erections or wanking or something.

I remember seeing a plastic model of a vagina, one of those ones in biology class that is a sort of cut-out, and has all the bits in different colours so you can clearly differentiate between the ovaries and vulva and tubes and so on. I remember fainting because I don’t like imagining that I have all these organs inside my skin, squished in there – it’s gross.

I was never taught about pleasure for women. Don’t recall anybody telling us that the clit was the magical pleasure button.

I wasn’t taught about trans-women or trans-men or gender fluidity. I wasn’t told about bisexuality or pansexuality or asexuality. Or identifying as queer. Or much else.

I had always just assumed that sex ended once the man had had his orgasm, and that a woman was lucky to get one because it would take a lot longer and a lot more effort. (SPOILER: This is NOT necessarily true!)

For some reason (cough, the patriarchy, cough cough), I believed that a woman was only good at sex if they made the man orgasm quickly, and gave him whatever he wanted even if I didn’t particularly want to do what he wanted.

Through adverts and dumb boys and hygiene products stocked in Boots, I had learned that a vagina needed cleaning and could become a smelly, gross mess, especially if a woman had had a lot of sex. (SPOILER: SO, SO WRONG!)

I was taught that a man’s sexuality was celebrated (as long as he wasn’t gay) and that a woman’s sexuality was to be criticised, whether she had sex or not. This became very much apparent when I slept with an ex of mine that I still had feelings for – he was applauded whilst I got bullied on MySpace for being ‘easy’.

Also through media, I was taught that a woman had to shave all hairs off of her body (except her head and eyebrows) in order to be sexy/ attractive/ feminine.

I believed that being a bisexual woman was just something to get male attention (which you can guess, lead to a lot of confusion about my own bisexuality).

I was bullied by my ‘friends’ for telling them that my first time didn’t really hurt, so they called me a ‘bucket’. Turns out, I had actually broken my hymen in an accident on some playground equipment when I was much younger and didn’t realise it until much later.

I thought that women’s underwear had to be matching and lacy in order to be sexy.


I’ve had a lot of sex that I wasn’t comfortable with, doing it mostly out of a fucked-up sense of obligation. I’ve been very confused about it all and have not been giving myself much control over how much pleasure I thought I deserved.

I hope sex education is changing. I am hoping that with shows like Big Mouth and Sex Education and PEN15, teenagers are getting better media representation and understanding about sex and all that comes with it.

1 Comment

  1. mark kent

    very very well done for talking about sex /a rare subject .yet so every day effecting …i do a blog .http;//mark-kent.webs.com

    twitter,supersbnooper

    i am disabled .

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