letter to my younger self, letter to my teenage self, personal letter, story of my life, this stuff is golden, body dysmorphic disorder,

A Letter To My 11 Year Old Self

You’re going to be a little bitch to your mum and brothers. Mum will seem like a massive nag to you. You’ll argue with her a lot – especially about going out or turning your music down. You’re going to isolate yourself a lot and listen to Indie Rock almost all the time. You’ll find it difficult to understand why you have become this way when you used to be such a happy little kid. It’s your hormones taking control of you – you’re still a kind person. This is just part of the horrible teenage years (sorry).

You’re dad is horrible and you begin to see that as you grow older. Don’t worry though – in a few years he’ll be out of your family’s life and you’ll become closer to your brothers than you ever have been before (yes, really!).

You know that scene in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone where Draco offers his friendship to Harry? If you were Harry you would have wrongly accepted that friendship and started school on the wrong team. Basically, you’re going to make friends with the wrong people. They won’t support you and they’ll tease you. You’ll hang out with them for the parties, the boys, and their crazy antics. You do have some good friends though – they’re just not the ‘group’ of girls that you have chosen.

Boys will become a large part of your life. You will seek attention and love from them in all the wrong ways. This teaches you about sex in the harshest way possible. You’ll get called names and you won’t understand why. You trust boys too much. You trust men too much. You date the wrong people and fall into relationships way too fast. Unfortunately you have to learn this lesson on your own, and you won’t learn it for a long time. You’ll get there though.

You’ll be lonely, and you’ll try to fill that loneliness with boys and online chat-rooms. You’ll feel really sad sometimes and you wish somebody would notice. You often think about jumping out of your bedroom window so that you can leave your life behind you, but you never go through with it.

You become very insecure about your appearance. Remember when you got glasses and you felt ugly? That feeling doesn’t really go away (but you do eventually love how you look in your glasses, however, one day you do get laser eye surgery, and you still look awesome). You learn about make-up in a few years and you apply it terribly. You look like a wannabe emo with your overly powdered face and black eyeliner applied anywhere but the waterline. You get mocked for how you look. If only Youtube had been invented a few years earlier.

The insecurities of your appearance develop throughout the years and you have to have counselling for something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Thankfully these sessions help you understand yourself a little more and you start getting better. You are actually like the ugly duckling – your beauty comes out as you get older, so those girls that mocked you can suck it.

You’ll struggle a little with your sexuality. You’ll feel good when that popular girl holds your hand whilst watching a video in geography class. You’ll get tingles when you see girls kissing on TV and not understand why. You’ll want to kiss your friends just to see what it’s like, but you never do because you’re afraid. Sometimes you wish you didn’t feel this way because you’re so scared of rejection and being ‘a freak’. But one day your confidence is at the highest point in your life (so far) and you dare to do something so wild, which leads to that kiss you’ve been waiting for. You like it. You like boys and girls, and that’s perfectly fine.

Life is turbulent. It’s confusing and rarely calm. You go through some really tough times. You meet some lovely people. You fall in love. You have some great times, regardless of all the not so good times. You have a lot of laughs and you do things you never imagined. You have lots of experiences and make a lot of memories. That’s what life really is.

You’ll be okay.

Where did I get this idea from? Check out my list of 26 Writing Prompts For Bloggers and get writing!

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