I use writing to explain my thoughts, to make sense of the things that I am feeling. Lately though, I have been somewhat not able to let it all out, keeping some things to myself. This, in part, is what has made me fall a little bit out of love with my blog. I feel as though I can’t quite let my heart and soul bleed onto the page (or keyboard as it were) in fear of letting those who know me find out what is exactly going on in my head.
An anonymous blog is a way to avoid that fear, a way to let everything out without being known. It could be a path that I go down – but first, I need to get back into the habit of writing for myself, rather than for an audience, and writing what I need to say, rather than what I think others will find acceptable.
As my very wonderful and wise friend said to me recently:
“Keep on writing – never EVER be embarrassed by your thoughts or feelings – you don’t ever have to share what you’ve written with another soul, the important bit is moving things from your heart and brain onto a page or screen, something tangible that you can touch, that you can see, so you can make them separate from your body. Then once these thoughts or feelings are no longer trapped inside your physical body, you can take a literal step back and decide what you want to do with those emotions. Then it’s down to whatever you feel to be good and positive and sensible and productive as to what you do with these words.”
So, I sat in a busy Costa café this morning, cup of tea mostly ignored on my tray as I opened my laptop and just starting writing. I wrote without thinking about structure, without thinking about an audience, without fear. I ended up with 750 words in a very short amount of time. It helped me release some of my thoughts and feelings that I had woken up with, that had been sitting on my shoulders over the last few days.
It’s something I would recommend to everybody. One of my idols, Miss Sylvia Plath, wrote constantly in her journal. Diaries may seem a little old school – but is it really that old fashioned? Nowadays, a lot of people use their social media accounts as a dairy. They contently let the world (or at least, their online followers,) know exactly what’s going on in their day to day lives, they complain about bad days at work, express how they are feeling with a quote or even an arrangement of emojis. That is very diary-like to me. And I’m sure that part of the reason that many of us are addicted to social media is the fact that we get some sort of relief from how we are feeling by writing it and sharing it online.
As I develop this habit, I will not think about where I might take it or what I might do with it. It could turn into another blog, it could just be my own private little space.
Now the question is, do I type or do I hand-write? And is that enough of an excuse to buy a pretty little notebook?
Read more of the genius work from my quoted friend here, at the magic black book