Don’t tell me that the moment is NOW and that I’m a BAD-ASS BITCH. That’s not really what I need to hear right now. Sure, time is precious and I should be more confident, but getting myself out of this grey slumber of depression and anxiety is taking up enough of my mental energy at the moment to take any sort of action on achieving my dreams.
Pictures of “perfect bubble butts” aren’t going to make me feel pumped to get my bum looking that way, but instead are going to make me feel worse about my body as it is. Inspirational quotes on top of filtered photos of beautiful, happy people won’t make me want to be one of those people, they are actually going to make me compare my unhappiness to their apparent happiness.
What if sometimes I just need nice words from a kind friend or a hug from an old chum? What if I just need the taste of a cup of green tea and the sound of a crackling candle flame? What if I just need some time to think things though under a blanket, at my own pace? Can’t I have those things instead to begin to sort my life out?
Getting things done is a great distraction and feel-good tool, I know this and so do most people. And I do do things sometimes. Running gives me stress release. Hanging out with family and friends make me laugh. Cuddles with my boyfriend make me feel at home. But when alone after a long day, I’m trying my best to keep my thoughts out of the black and into some colour, which takes effort. I picture possible futures that would make me happy, as I sip that herbal tea and listen to my favourite Miami Horror album. Those possible futures require time, effort and work to come to life – I know that – but don’t shove it in my face. It’s pressure I don’t need in the shape of a 640 x 640 pixel image.
The only true motivation comes from within. Yes, you can read motivational quotes – I have one on my bedroom wall in the form of a black and white postcard – and listen to motivational podcasts, but really motivation is up to you. If you want something hard enough, you work towards getting it. And it’s great if a little picture on Pinterest has given you a little kick up the bum to get you going, but ultimately that motivation to follow through comes from you; your passion, your wants, your dreams. And when your brain is at full capacity with a mixture of stressful thunder clouds, negativity and low energy, all that motivational shit is kicked up its own bum and pushed out your ears. There’s simply no room in the inn for it.
To get that motivational spirit pumping through my blood stream again I need to take some time to file away stresses into organisational life plans, put the negativity in the trash and boost my mental energy by bringing some calm to my thoughts. I want it to be okay for a time-out. I don’t need motivational bullshit glaring me in the face, asking me why I haven’t achieved that thing I wanted right now, why I should be doing that other thing, and how it will only take a few weeks of a special technique to get me from loser to success.
My dreams are exactly that – they are mine. I can achieve them when I want to, and right now the main thing I want to achieve is getting myself ready for making my dreams a reality.
So please, stop with the quotes on top of a filtered sunset image and have a cup of fucking tea with me.