David Dobrick is apologising a lot in a video for some stuff that I don’t know much about and yet I am listening to his apology.
My neck is tensing, squeezing. Tear ducts are ready for round two. My fucking teeth are clenched, my jaw is locked down tight, I keep realising that my mouth actually hurts and trying to relax it, it’s a cycle.
I applied for a job, half-assed. I checked my university application (yes, I applied for art school at the start of this year). I looked at Squarespace to remake my website and was very quickly overwhelmed. The current hosting of this website is costing me way too much, and attempting to deal with it is stressing me out, how silly is that.
I’m deciding between which snack I want; a Creme Egg or apple slices with peanut butter. Or both. And a cup of tea. Not coffee, that’ll only tense me up even further.
My stomach has been in knots for weeks. Honestly, weeks. I cried at my tummy rolls this morning, felt like a mini-anxiety attack. Took my dress off and put on the ol’faithful, my oversized black hoodie.
Time for an ASMR video as background noise. Sometimes it helps with the anxiety. Daytime ASMR is kinda nice because someone is speaking softly and sweetly to you whilst you don’t have to say anything back.
Trying to drink more water, having a rest day from cardio exercise. You would be shocked at how badly my knees, hips and neck bones click. You can tell I’m coming upstairs just from the sound of my knees.
I don’t know what this blog is doing, or what I’m doing, but here I am dumping all this nonsense on here. And that’s fine. It’s my website anyway.
Time to break my back and make art on my bedroom floor, with snacks and tea of course. Will most likely binge-watch POSE too.
What I would do for some self-esteem, you have no idea how badly I need it.