mental health recovery, mental health, looking back, recovery, getting better, mental illness, this stuff is golden,

When I Looked In The Mirror, I Didn’t Recognise Myself

Her hair was darker blonde, there was no liquid eyeliner – not even the ghost of it after wearing some for more than a few hours, and she had her fringe tucked behind her ear. Is it still a fringe if you can tuck it behind your ear? That’s something I’ve always wondered.

After washing my hands I looked up to a reflection I didn’t quite recognise. It was like seeing my present self for the first time in a while, and finally recognising how far I have come in the last year or so.

Comparing myself now to myself last year, there’s probably not much difference in somebody else’s eyes. My hair colour is similar, the length too. My body hasn’t changed much. My face is still my face.

Funny thing is, when I scroll through the photos on my phone, and I see that girl from last year, I can see the sadness in her face. I don’t care how corny that may sound because it’s true, like most corny things I suppose.

There is just something about a fake smile that makes it look so fake. There’s something about sad eyes that give your emotions away even when you’re trying your best to hide them. I can see both of those in the few selfies I took this time last year.

I had even took a few selfies of myself just after I’d had a long sob, just because of how poetic the black-stained cheeks looked. Like little trails of sadness travelling down my face. I looked tired.

Maybe I just wanted to remember those really dark moments, to reflect on them when I was feeling better – I’m not sure.

But now, that girl in the mirror (anybody else remember that Britney song?) looks okay. She’s a little merry from the white wine, a little full from dinner. She’s got more control over how she feels. She’s got more people who support her. She’s wearing her favourite Ravenclaw hoodie that she got for Christmas.

She’s doing alright.

12 Comments

  1. Lydia

    There’s something so beautiful in this, and I’m glad to hear that you’re doing alright now-
    Lydia
    Mademoiselle women.wordpress.com

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